Daily Nuzzo: Now with More Grammar!

Good news readers! The Associated Press Stylebook, aka the journalism student/high school dropout’s Bible, will be updated to include online and social media components. Right now, when I flip through my AP book, which was purchased my freshman year in college (82 B.C.), there is no entry for blog, podcast or dailynuzzo. Now, all of these items will be included and thoroughly scrutinized by the AP!

You can all rejoice in the fact that you will no longer have to silently hold back your rage at my atrocious run-on sentences and dangling modifiers. Once someone pays for and sends me this book, you’ll be seeing Newsday-worthy writing in no time!

AP Stylebook No Longer "Mentally Retarded" – Gawker.com

Island Time

A thought popped into my mind the other day regarding the age-old question of “if you could pick someone to be stranded on a desert island with, who would it be?”

Since I don’t have any real desire to drag along a potentially annoying/cannibalistic friend to ruin my happy time in the tropics, my answer used to be an iPhone. Used to be…until I saw this!

Now I need to think about who else I could bring, since I’m nearly certain that the inevitable yet bizarre blending accident in Aitutaki would claim the life of my only friend. Perhaps Wilson would be a better choice.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do More Muslim

Sometimes, on extremely rare occasions, I come across a blog that is almost as entertaining as dailynuzzo.com. Again, this is very rare. Like Haley’s Comet rare. Anywho, my friend (knowing my penchant for theology) sent me a link to this blog that lists all of the things that are “more Muslim” than Barack Obama.

This cat is obviously more Muslim than Obama according to the following indications of Muslimness:

-traditional Muslim garb, including head scarf
-facial hair, aka whiskers
-belt made out of dynamite

Apparently, I would also be considered more Muslim than Obama due to my undying love of Middle Eastern delicacies, particularly falafel, hummus and ingesting hookah smoke. Hookah counts as a delicacy, right?

Daily Nuzzo Tells You What to Do…This Weekend

Friday

Check out Gogol Bordello at McCarren Park Pool. 3 out of 4 Ukranians agree: best live band in all of NYC metropolitan area. Tickets are only 35 rubles.

Continue your immigrant gyspy dancing at Mehanata Dance Bar, where Gogol Bordello frontman Eugene Hütz is sure to make an appearance as a guest DJ. A knowledge of some Eastern European dialect and a fondness for Zywiec is required for entry.

Saturday
There are over 850 free concerts in the NYC area to celebrate the official first day of summer. Make Music New York is sponsoring the all-day event, including an all day punk fest on Governor’s Island, which they have pathetically renamed Punk Island. Free ferry ride included and the views of Manhattan are pretty sick.

The freaks come out…during the day. It’s the annual Mermaid Parade at Coney Island. Don your finest fins and come out for an all day freak-fest. Eat some hot dogs at Nathans and end the night (and possibly your life) with a roller coaster ride on the notorious Cyclone.

Sunday
After applying some aloe to your sunburned ass cheeks, head out to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for some culture. Check out the Jeff Koons on the Roof installation, which offers some sick sculptures from this American icon. Enjoy a cocktail while you check out the views of Central Park and the city skyline. Also be sure to stop by the Superheroes Fashion and Fantasy exhibit, which features movie costumes and “high-performance sportswear,” aka, neon leotards.

I’ll have a tall falsie with extra head, please.

Have you noticed that it’s been taking you longer and costing you more money to get drunk lately? Don’t worry, it’s probably not a serious alcohol dependency problem. No, the blame is not on you, beer guzzler, but rather on your glass.

According to the Wall Street Journal, several bars and restaurants around the country have been serving pints of beer in 14 oz thick-bottomed glasses, as opposed to a standard pint of 16 oz. Bartenders are charging the same amount for beer served in the “falsie” glass as they are for the standard glass.

The article states that Hooters, the top-notch dining establishment, serves draft beer in 14-ounce glasses in Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky and Tennessee, and regular pint glasses in other states. Which is a bit strange, since I thought all Hooters franchises served “falsies” on the regular. Oh wait, I think I’m confusing pint glasses with their waitresses’ breasts. I hate it when that happens.

“A Pint Sized Problem”, Wall Street Journal

New York Times Pulls a Fast One on Daily Nuzzo

In more geographical news, the New York Times blatantly stole my idea about going to each ball park in the U.S. and writing a book about the differences in hot dog quality and style in each stadium. Well, they didn’t write an entire book on it. And it wasn’t exclusively focused on hot dogs. But still. I’m kinda pissed.

Finding the Hits, Avoiding the Errors – NYT Interactive Map

I must admit, this is actually pretty cool. However, I dispute the following:

1. Wrigley Field – the hot dogs are delicious. Poppyseed bun, relish, pickles, tomatoes. What more can you ask for?
2. Yankee Stadium – how come the sugar cookies from the bakery on the ground level were not included? Where else can you take a bite out of A-Rod’s face without it getting written up in the Post the next day?
3. Dodgers Stadium – the garlic fries, albeit soggy with oily deliciousness, are not to be passed up.
4. U.S. Cellular Field (Chicago White Sox) – Try the foie gras. It's to die for.

I’ll allow the New York Times to revise their story, but just this once. You’re skating on thin ice, Times, very thin ice!

Bros Before Hoes

A friend passed on this very informative map today, which denotes all of the states and cities where has-been rapper Ludacris claims to have “hoes” based on the information he provides in his 2001 hit, “Area Codes.” Click here to see his hoe-hold on America.

Never one to back down from a geographic challenge, I decided to create a map of my own, charting out all the places where I have bros, the male equivalent of hoes. Please write in to let me know if I’m missing anyone.

By the way, I don’t count that one time in Wichita, so Erwin, don’t even try it. I don’t care how cold you claimed that pool water to be, it still doesn’t count.

Click on map for a larger view.

Daily Nuzzo on Red Alert

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the work of the World Information Access group. No? Well you should be. They just published a new report on the number of bloggers who were arrested for political reasons. Since 2003, an overwhelming 64 bloggers have been out behind bars for publishing their views on the World Wide Web.

According to a BBC article, “the number of blogger arrests in 2008 would exceed the 36 seen in 2007 thanks to greater popularity of blogging as a medium, greater enforcement of net restrictions, and elections in China, Pakistan, Iran and the US.”

Luckily for me, I don’t post any political views on dailynuzzo.com. Unless you count the posts where I promote excessive alcohol abuse, dole out self-destructive relationship advice and banter cleverly about current happenings within Major League Baseball as political. Which, it probably is, considering the current tide of American politics. So yeah, stay tuned for my ‘Daily Nuzzo from Guantanamo’ edition, coming to a computer near you in Fall 2008!!

That Really Hurt...and it's still hurting.

This is my favorite YouTube video of all time. And by all time, I really mean, the past six months. Because about 7 months ago DayMan was my favorite video. But now it's this one where the baby bites his brother's finger. And there's British accents involved. A true recipe for hilariousness.