NYPD Provides Subway Riders with Cutting-Edge Technology to Stop Crime. Oh wait, it’s just a keychain.

I was walking out of the Canal street station on my way to work this morning when I noticed something odd. Two cops were handing out flyers to the horde of straphangers getting off the E train. Being as adorably inquisitive as I am, I rushed right over and took a flyer from the man in blue.

But this wasn’t just any old flyer from NY’s finest. This was a FREE gift! For me! It was a tag – a tag for your bag! That says N.Y.P.D. Gear Guard!

I examined the flyer/bag tag combo as I walked up the steps. Does it beep? Does it send out an alarm to the preceint if someone snatches my purse? Is this tag designed by Tommy Hilfiger? Were all questions that ran through my head.

Apparently, the tag is nothing more than a plastic keychain that you snap onto your purse or gym bag that is supposed to ward off evil-doers like some sort of modern-day evil eye. It kinda reminds me of how my brother once placed a Slomin’s Shield sign on our front yard to fake-out all the neighborhood burglars into believing that we could actually afford a home security system.

According to AM NY, the Gear Guard is just one initiative from a 30-officer team effort to decrease petty subway crimes. In the NYPD’s eyes, “there is a world of difference between reading a poster that tells you to keep your property safe and having the officers approach you directly.”

Is there also a world of difference in how much it costs to produce these plastic key chains, on top of the hours spent passing them out, and how much it costs to keep real cops on the street fighting real crime. Take a look at the crime statistics from the week of May 28, 2008 – June 1, 2008 and you’ll see that there were 8 murders and 35 rapes in NYC. And 796 incidences of grand larceny.

I’ll make sure to look at my Gear Guard key chain the next time that someone attempts to slash my wrist to steal my groceries.

New York City Cops by The Strokes

Dear Daily Nuzzo

As a provider of universal truth, I’m somewhat obligated to provide occasional guidance to my wayward and somewhat ignorant audience. Therefore, I’ve created a dedicated column for this exact purpose. I welcome you to the first installment of ‘Dear Daily Nuzzo.’

Dear Daily Nuzzo,
I’ve come across an ethical dilemma. I was riding on the subway the other day, and in comes a woman – cute, young, and slight bulge in lower belly. Do I assume this woman is pregnant and jump up to give her my seat and risk offending a nice girl who has been filling in a void in her life with girl scout cookies? Or do I remain seated, taking the chance of forcing a mother-to-be to stand?

Dear Commuter,
Full disclosure: I’m a strong believer in chivalry. In my opinion, all able-bodied men should give up their seat for a lady, so I don’t think it would be rude if you did. She just might think that you’re hitting on her, which you probably are anyway. So win-win.

Otherwise, I’d look for a wedding ring. If she’s wearing one, it’s a good possibility that she is indeed pregnant. And even if she’s not pregnant, she probably has to go home to a husband that doesn’t fully appreciate her inner beauty– so you giving up a seat for her could be the highlight of her day, or even her week. But please, pleas refrain from asking her how many months along she is.