Guido Seeking Bromance, Roomate in Hoboken

I happen to be looking around for a new apartment, since my ridiculously ambitious roommate is abandoning me to get her MBA at Univ. of Michigan. While perusing Craigslist, I came across this very enticing ad from a nice gentleman seeking a roommate/wingman in Hoboken, NJ:

We are looking for a fellow cocksman who can keep up with us, or someone cool who could use our help and experience to step up their game. Our place has a new guido style bathroom, Italian tile shower and lots of mirrors(very nice).

To top it off, you can enjoy weekends "down the shore" on their "party boat that fits 13 people and is equipt (sic) with a stripper pole."

Which only leaves me wondering, what can one purchase for a housewarming present? They already have the stripper pole. And lots of mirrors. Did I mention that this place is only $775 a month? They are holding "tryouts" this week. I'll be sure to bring my tanning oil.

Craigslist Ad

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Dailynuzzo Seeks White or Black Single Audience

As you may or may not know, the entire U.S. economy is collapsing before our very eyes. With each new day comes a new sob story for another major U.S. financial institution. That being said, I've been very busy at my real job (riding unicorns and painting rainbows in the sky).

So, just wanted to add a quick post to satisfy my readers' hunger for the daily dose of dailynuzzo.

I saw this interesting ad on craigslist (don't ask why I was perusing the personal ads) and think it might be the most pathetic yet ingenious way to get back at a sibling.

Here are some highlights:

"Hi, I am looking for someone who wants to be my absolutely terrible girlfriend. Why? To help make my sister realize that it really sucks when your sibling dates someone awful...like her current boyfriend...I need someone who is going to be truly awful, not just on the outside, but inside as well. Candidates should be painful to be around, obnoxious, thoughtless and immature. She should use terms like, "tragic," "as if" and various internet terms like "omg," "lol," "jk," etc."

And what do I get in return?

"In return for your "companionship," you can expect quality dinners, drinks, music and other forms of entertainment. Should our relationship linger (as my sister's relationship lingers), there is potential for jewelry, trips and other more lavish gifts. Since I am committed to this project, I am prepared to match my sister's relationship status tit-for-tat, up to and including engagement and marriage. If you do manage to break them up, we can happily end our relationship (you keep all merchandise, of course) and you will be my best friend for life."

Wow, this sounds like a win-win. It's just a shame I'm not qualified to act as the annoying girlfriend type. I'm really, really bad at acting.