Wednesday, October 21

Test Drive a Kia for Da Juiceman. Okay!

I came across a tweet about a free Girl Talk concert this Sunday in NYC. When I found out that OJ Da Juiceman would also be performing, I got SUPER excited. I love Da Juiceman. Mainly because of his high pitched “aaay!” and “okay” shouts that can be found in every single one of his songs – play the track below in case you are not familiar. The noise he makes reminds me of a puppy. And I love puppies.

When I found out that I had to test-drive a Kia Soul in order to get into the free show, I was immediately disappointed. I don’t have time to go test drive a car that 1.) I have no interest in buying and 2.) have no money to buy. Kia probably underestimated the number of people who actually live in NYC and purchase/drive cars on this one. They are doing free events across the country, which can be found on the Kia Soul Collective Web site. So maybe some of my public-transportation-restricted readers can take advantage.

Make The Trap Say Aye - Oj Da Juiceman

Thursday, August 27

There's an App for that

So as most of you know, I have an f’n iphone. And I love it. Even though my baby is over 5 months old, the novelty has still not worn off – best exemplified when someone asks a random trivia question at dinner (“That makes me wonder, what IS the capital of Sri Lanka?”) and I just pull out my nifty little iPhone under the table when nobody is looking and immediately prove how intelligent and cultured I am.

That being said, I’m always on the prowl for a good app so when I saw “The Girlfriend Keeper” I immediately thought how beneficial this could be for men out there who just can’t seem to remember the color of their girlfriend’s eyes or the date they first met. It’s not that they are bad boyfriends, they just have bad memories! Right?

But as we know, there is a thin line between love and hate. Which sets the stage for the next application that will be inevitably downloaded when you can’t remember an anniversary or when you forget that your girlfriend’s eyes are aquamarine and NOT hazel: The Ex-Girlfriend StalkHer App.

Monday, August 17


I walked into my local deli on Friday afternoon to pick up a gallon of water. Normally I just use the Brita but it was a particularly hot day and I knew that Jason and I would be drinking a lot more H20 than normal this weekend.

So I walk into the deli, pick up the jug of Poland Spring and bring it to the counter. Another man was already near the register, and he was opening a bottle of Corona he had just purchased. “Well, it is a hot day and he probably just wants to cool off” I thought, as he begins to drink the sweating bottle of booze right there inside the store. But then he started yelling at the cashier about getting him “his cup” and the “one with the cover.”

Alright, a little road soda for a walk down the sidewalk never hurt anyone, right? So I wasn’t too alarmed as this was going on. The cashier comes over with a small coffee cup and hands it to the man. “NO, the BIG cup!” he responds. “The one they ALWAYS give me. MY cup!”

Interesting. This man seems to doggybag his acohohlic beverages on a fairly consistent basis if he has his “own” cup at the deli on Lexington and 25th street. Maybe he has a drinking problem – it’s a shame, but what are you gonna do?

So the cashier shuffles back to the coffee pot and fetches the large coffee cup and cover for the overbearing patron. The man mutters a quick “thanks guy” and then proceeds to pour the rest of his beer into the cup and then places the cover on for maximum sidewalk drinking capacity.

Except he wasn’t planning to drink this on the sidewalk. What I witnessed next was both deeply disturbing and eye-opening. The man turned to the door, took his cup of “coffee” outside, took his keys out, and proceeded to get into his cab. My mouth dropped open as he drove the yellow cab away.

I’m never riding in a cab where I see the driver with a coffee cup again.

Tuesday, July 28

The Most Delicious Awards Ceremony of the Year – The VENDYs

Make sure to vote this week for your favorite NYC vendors in the 5th annual Vendy Awards. You know, it’s tough…choosing between the Halal cart on 23rd and 5th or the Halal cart on 24th and 6th, but it is in our patriotic duty to do so.

But seriously, huge tossup this year between the Cupcake Stop (newcomer underdog) and Calexico Cart (an overwhelming fan favorite or shoe-in, if you will – now with their own sit-down joint in Red Hook). Who will you vote for?

Nominations close on Saturday August 1. You can vote for your favorite street meats or public alley pasties here.

Thursday, July 23

Is this thing on?

I signed up for a tumblr account. I don't know what the hell I'm doing yet but its if you wanna check it out.

Tuesday, July 21

Poke Her Face

Really good to finally see the video for Kid Cudi’s “Make Her Say” track. I’ve been listening to this for a few months now. I like the way it’s shot, but it’s a bit strange that Gaga did not make an appearance.

You can download a sick Cudi mixtape here for FREEZ:

Monday, July 20

MCA is Ill

No, really. Get better soon Yauch. And this one's for you.

Wednesday, July 15

Quit Your Swine-ing

I've been gone for too long. I know. But after a quick bout of swine flu, I promise to make a full recovery and come back.

Thursday, June 25

Thursday, April 16


Would you rather have a leg…or $27.5 million?

I pondered the question as I read this Crain's New York article on an amputee being awarded $27.5 million in her case against NYC Transit Authority. According to the article, the woman's leg was amputated above the knee when she was "hit by the 40,000 pound bus as she crossed West 50th Street at 10th Avenue around 7 p.m. on Nov. 4, 2005."

The award was the "largest ever for a lost leg." Which leaves me wondering - How often does this happen?

So would you rather have 1.5 legs? Or enough money to buy you 200 human legs (as well as a few dozen kidneys) from some peddler on Canal street?


Wednesday, April 1

Birthday Wish #1

Today is April 1. And similar to the 12 Days of Christmas, I believe there should be the 12 Days of Danielle, where I receive presents everyday leading up to the miraculous anniversary of my birth.

Today's gift request is a simple one: squeezable bacon. Because you just never know when you might get a cravin for the bacon. Keep one in your office, your glovebox or at home. Use it as toothpaste! Or shaving cream. It really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Squeez Bacon for only $7.99!

Tuesday, March 31

Guido Seeking Bromance, Roomate in Hoboken

I happen to be looking around for a new apartment, since my ridiculously ambitious roommate is abandoning me to get her MBA at Univ. of Michigan. While perusing Craigslist, I came across this very enticing ad from a nice gentleman seeking a roommate/wingman in Hoboken, NJ:

We are looking for a fellow cocksman who can keep up with us, or someone cool who could use our help and experience to step up their game. Our place has a new guido style bathroom, Italian tile shower and lots of mirrors(very nice).

To top it off, you can enjoy weekends "down the shore" on their "party boat that fits 13 people and is equipt (sic) with a stripper pole."

Which only leaves me wondering, what can one purchase for a housewarming present? They already have the stripper pole. And lots of mirrors. Did I mention that this place is only $775 a month? They are holding "tryouts" this week. I'll be sure to bring my tanning oil.

Craigslist Ad

Related video (rated 5 stars by the daily nuzzo)

Friday, March 27

Very Good Blog

Normally, the Daily Nuzzo doesn’t give shout outs to any of our “competitors”, but it is with much thought and admiration that we alert the general public to another phenomenal blog: The Million Dollar Arm

The Pittsburgh Pirates (who?) recently produced a reality TV show in India in order to find athletes who could throw strikes at 85 miles per hour or faster. Apparently the U.S. is lacking such athletes. According to the AP, Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel signed professional baseball contracts with the Pirates for the 2009 season after winning the competition. The two 20-year-old pitchers never picked up a baseball prior to the competition and are believed to be the first athletes from India to sign professional baseball contracts outside their country.

Rinku and Dinesh are not only the best Indian baseball players, but they also may be the world’s best bloggers. Their frequent updates on “Pirate City” (Pittsburgh) provide an outsider’s perspective on American culture and life as a professional athlete. A recent post, “Very Bad Thing Happen To Us,” described their dealings with a Topps sports cards rep:

Yesterday locker room man coming to us from company Topps. He saying we sign contract. We telling him we not reading this english. we say he have talking JB sir. He saying he talking JB sir and JB sir say OK signing. So we signing this thing and he give me and Dinesh $5.00. Then we finding out JB sir not knowing this. Man from company lying to us. We never making same mistake like this again. We giving JB sir the heart pains and we very sorry.

The Million Dollar Arm is truly an inspiration to the Daily Nuzzo. When you think about it, we’re really one in the same as I also encounter similar situations to Rinku and Dinesh: “Fans sending us photo and things Pirate City. Fans asking we signing things. We getting more emails we answering. We trying and writing all we can writing each day.”

So please, keep the Daily Nuzzo fan mail coming. We very appreciate.

Wednesday, March 25

Best. Invention. Ever

I wonder if they make this application for rotary phones too!

Bad Decision Blocker

The Musings of an Ex-AIG Executive

I find this letter of resignation from a top AIG executive both informative and humanizing. It’s refreshing to see a point of view other than the angry mob of lynchers who are taking out all of their economical frustrations on the largest scapegoat of them all – AIG. While the ‘bonuses’ that these executives received were ridiculously out of line with acceptable wages, I agree with the fact that these employees worked 14 hour days, all year long, and were contractually obligated to receive these ‘bonuses.’ Call me a capitalist, but I don’t necessarily think it was wrong for AIG to issue additional compensation to their *current* employees, who were entitled to this level of salary when they agreed to the position.

Furthermore, Obama is calling for the head of Edward Liddy, while he received $104,332 from AIG last year for his presidential campaign. According to the Center for Responsive Politics, AIG gave a total of $644,218 to federal candidates over the last election cycle. Perhaps this money should be returned to the taxpayers as well.

The fact that AIG wanted to fulfill their obligations to their employees by paying them their contracted salary is not something that is shameful or abominable. There are much worse and evil corporations than AIG out there – believe me, I work in PR.

Get yer Popcorn! Hot Dogs! Sheep’s Ricotta Gnudi with Brown Butter & Sage!

So I’ve been getting a lot of flack lately from my so-called “friends” about ticket prices in the new Yankee Stadium. Well, they’re kinda expensive. A seat near the field will run you over $2,000. And a seat in the non-alcoholic bleacher section is $14. Big deal. This is NY. And the Yankees are not receiving any TARP funds (yet) so they can pretty much charge whatever they want.

I don’t think $2,000 for a seat is that unreasonable. Especially since it includes UNLIMITED food from some of the world’s top chefs. According to the NY Times:

“The food will be prepared at open cooking stations run, from time to time, by Masaharu Morimoto of “Iron Chef” fame, April Bloomfield of the Spotted Pig, chefs from Le Cirque and cooks from Elaine’s… Those seated in the Delta 360 Club will have access to a dining room where chefs from the Food Network will occasionally cook at two open kitchens.”

So you’ll find me at plenty of Yankee games this summer. Except I’ll be sitting in the grandstand, chowing down on a Nathan’s hot dog and drinking warm whiskey from my flask. But I COULD have a gourmet meal in the Bronx if I wanted to…

Tuesday, March 24

Monday Night ROAR

Sometimes, I have to do things that I really don’t like to do. Shocking, I know. Like taking out the garbage or showing up for work. Or watching WWE “Monday Night Raw” with my boyfriend. I usually watch out of complete exhaustion, as I’m too lazy to fight his overwhelming determination to watch sweaty, disgusting men in bikini briefs grapple each other.

However, it’s not all bad. You see, there is this man named Randy Orton – who is quite possibly, the scariest/sexiest man alive. His baby blue stare is as cold as ice and his six pack abs are even frostier. So now I just “pretend” to not like WWE, when really, I wait all week to watch it. I even made this picture of Randy as my wallpaper on my computer. I love spending time with my boyfriend(s)!!!

Monday, March 23

Lil Wayne: Rap Star. Rock Star. Rip Off Extraordinare.

A new single from Weezy’s “rock” album dropped and I’m not exactly sure how to communicate my feelings. “Hot Revolver” is pretty much a mashup of every other song on the planet. But he takes it too far by blatantly stealing from No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom album.

I’m still not sure whether I love this or hate this. It takes me about 3-4 weeks with Lil Wayne. I’ll let you know once I have some time to sleep on it.

hot revolver - lil wayne

Friday, March 20

No Hill Country for Young Women

My friend Olivia and I wanted to grab some hearty, American BBQ last night before the start of March Madness so we checked out this place near Madison Square Park called Hill Country. It should have been called “Cut a slab of mediocre beef yourself and pay as if you’re dining in a five-star gourmet restaurant Country.” I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I walked in.

We were greeted by a white man in a tight button-down shirt tucked into his Lees with cowboy boots on. That should have been our first inclination to immediately exit and never return. However, I had a $25 gift certificate from that I wanted to use so we took the plunge. He told us that he was “all sold out” on reservations for that night. We looked around at the hundreds of empty wooden tables and looked back at him. I felt like he was speaking a foreign language to me. He somehow managed to “squeeze us in” and seated us at a rustic pine table and chairs set.

A waitress came over immediately and took our drink orders ($5 margaritas were among the only highlights of the night). She then handed us two brown menu cards and walked away. In front of us were several “deli counters” guarded by a sea of overweight men holding large knives and assorted cutlery. The waitress came back and explained that we actually need to go up to the counter, order our meat and the men would cut and weigh it for us. They then slap a price sticker on our menu cards. We then would walk over to the “sides” cart and the same process would ensue.

I’ve never been to Texas nor down “south” with the exception of Florida, which for some reason, is not considered part of the south. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that the fat cat oil tycoons in Texas do not have to go up and serve themselves when they go out to a BBQ restaurant. I was both shocked and disgusted with this process. All I wanted to do was have a leisurely dinner with my best friend and have other people wait on me hand and foot. Is that too much to ask when dining out? What happened to southern hospitality?

I’ll skip all the gory details of our attempt to eat the said slabs of meat but to sum things up, it was not pretty. Mind you that we had to share our “napkins” (roll of paper towels) with the two gentlemen seated next to us. Along with the bbq sauce, hot sauce, pepper, etc. The night wasn’t a complete wash though, as we did enjoy some nice red velvet cupcakes. Six margaritas later, another white man in cowboy boots and an unfortunate button-down shirt walked over to our table and checked our “time card.” He then informed us that our table had “expired” and asked us to leave.

So if you would rather be treated like cattle than actually eat cattle, go to Hill Country. You and all the other out-of-town business men will thoroughly enjoy it.

Worst. BBQ. Ever.

Thursday, March 19

Sallie, You Are A Stone-Cold Bitch.

The Wall Street Journal ran a lengthy article today about Sallie Mae’s new direction for their private student loan offerings – making kids pay the interest on their loans while they are still in school. Honestly, I think this is a great idea, as it will cut the total amount of the loan by as much as 40 percent when they graduate from college. On the other hand, it might be pretty tough for a student to raise an additional $400 each month on top their beer/pot funds.

As someone who is DEEPLY in “knowledge” of the Sallie Mae student loan system, I both applaud and condemn this new policy. I think their positioning of “trying to help students in the long run” is a veil for the real reason behind the change. Within 2 years, Sallie Mae will not exist (fingers crossed) since nobody can afford to pay back their loans. This is just one last attempt to get as much money from these suckers as they can before Obama sweeps in and gobbles them up. And when that happens, I’ll be much happier sending my check to the gov’t than to this bitch Sallie each month, that’s for sure.

Sallie Says Students Should Suffer While Still In College (As Well as After):

Shaked and Baked

And in case anyone is wondering how the Knicks game went last night, I believe the NY Post summed it up perfectly:

"The Knicks played uglier than their green St. Patrick's Day uniforms. They were a day late with the green jerseys and 26 points short in last night's despicable 115-89 blowout loss to the Nets in a pivotal Garden showdown."

"This stands as their worst Garden performance, arguably more disgusting than the Minnesota loss after Christmas."

Vince Carter, please stop being so good. And Nate Robinson, please realize that you are 4’4 and cannot do it all on your own. It was pretty sick to see them play in the Krypto-Nate jerseys though!

Me Likey.

I don’t know why, but I’m moderately obsessed with this greek yogurt. I can only eat this particular kind – 2%, cherry – but I would eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner if I didn’t enjoy other foods, particularly hot dogs and watermelon, so much.

I buy a yogurt from the newsstand in my lobby each morning. It costs $2.50 but I’d be willing to pay $5.00 for it. The man who runs the shop must think I’m insane and is most likely muttering “why doesn’t this girl just buy 5 yogurts now so she’ll be set for the rest of the goddamn week!” under his breath in his native language. I just hand him the cash and thank him for the plastic spoon he provides. It is a good day.


Apparently Martha Stewart (the ex-con) likes to traverse the country in her private jet. In an time when everyone and everything is downsizing, Ms. Stewart likes to play up the fact that yes, she is a better homemaker than you and yes, her dogs are cleaner/cuter than yours.

So she launched a blog to document the entitled life of her pooches - called The Daily Wag. It's written from the first-person perspective of her dogs, Sharkey and Francesca. I'm sure Genghis Khan would have also blogged, but we all know how that went down.

One of her recent blog entries details the pups' trip to St. Louis. Aw, how cute! Their first time in a private jet! Do you remember how excited you were for YOUR first trip in the private jet? And how each time you think about it you get all warm and fuzzy inside?

I'm glad that we can all relate to Martha and her dogs. And apparently we all do, judging by the comments on her blog from her canine fans across the world. I'm sure these comments are not filtered or anything....

Wednesday, March 18


Tonight is an important game for the Knicks. Not only because they need to defeat the Nets in order to have ANY shot of the playoffs. Not because it is a Wednesday and Wednesday is the new "Hoop Day." No, my friends. Tonight is important for an entirely different reason...JEWISH HERITAGE NIGHT AT THE GARDEN!

My friends and I secured the highly coveted tickets to tonight's game weeks ago. And according to the Jerusalem Post, "few tickets" are still available for tonight's game, which will feature kosher food and more importantly, a limited-edition tee shirt emblazoned with the team's name in Hebrew.

I'm going to wear this tee shirt every day. Well...most days. Sometimes I'll have to do laundry.

And can anyone explain why David Lee is featured on the poster for Jewish night? I guess since he's white?

I'll report back to the Daily Nuzzo on my findings and provide a summary of my experience at this truly spiritual event.


I just like using the word "barack" as much as possible. But seriously, check out the Prez's picks for March Madness. UNC as the national champion? Come on now. Stick with what you know Obama...and it's sure not orchestrating a successful bailout of AIG!

Prez Picks BIGGEST LOSER for NCAA Basketball Champion:

MY bracket:

Friday, February 27

How Religion is Going to Ruin My 25th Birthday

My quarter-century celebration is on Easter Sunday this year. At first, I was kind of excited. “Oh, how cute, my birthday is the same day that the Easter Bunny comes and delivers baskets full of candy and eggs filled with money for all the kiddies across the world.” And there was always the prospect of the famed bunny cake – a cake in the shape of a bunny head, which my mom ONLY makes when my birthday coincides with Easter.

But now….I’m PISSED. I just learned that not only is Easter distracting from the real holiday (my birthday) but it is also Passover that weekend too! So now I’m competing with not one, but TWO holidays for the much-deserved attention I need on the first day of the rest of my life.

Screw you, Christianity. And you too, Judaism! I hate you BOTH!