Friday, October 24

An Open Letter to T.I.

Dear T.I.,

I love your new hit single, “whatever you like.” However, I don’t think I’d really like stacks on deck nor would I enjoy patron no ice (although I do like to pop bottles all night). Since you’ve opened up the stage for suggestions, here’s a list of things that I’d like you to provide:

  1. Unlimited car service – No longer will I have to trudge onto the subway everyday to get back and forth to work with all the plebes. Public transportation does not bide well for a woman with an overactive sweat gland or slightly wavy hair. Not that I’m speaking from personal experience or anything.
  2. Lifetime supply of Pocky – this Japanese treat is utterly delicious and comes in a gazillion flavors. I’d like a new flavor each week, to be delivered by a different Jiu Jitsu fighter.
  3. Daylight Savings all year round – I want that extra hour of sleep all year, not just in the dead of winter. Make it happen King.
  4. Abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn – for last-minute DJ/Robot parties and for my seamonkey-importing business.
  5. Reuben’s Empenadas chef on call – so I can have the spicy chicken empanada whenever I like
  6. The 1998 Yankees team back together – make it work
  7. An iPhone – seriously, who doesn’t want one?

Thank you in advance for fulfilling these requests.


Daily Nuzzo

Whatever You Like - T.I.

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