Friday, May 2

Drink Your Gambling Losses Away and Kill Two Vices with One Stone!!

If you’re like me, you probably bet your entire savings account (all $135 of it) on tomorrow’s Kentucky Derby races. Well, you better be ready to drink your sorrows away. Here are some recipes for two classic Derby Drinks. Enjoy!

The Mint Julep
* 2 cups sugar
* 2 cups water
* Sprigs of fresh mint
* Crushed ice
* Early Times Kentucky Whisky (or any bourbon whiskey)
* Silver Julep Cups

Make a simple syrup by boiling sugar and water together for five minutes. Cool and place in a covered container with six or eight sprigs of fresh mint, then refrigerate overnight. Make one julep at a time by filling a julep cup with crushed ice, adding one tablespoon mint syrup and two ounces of whiskey. Stir rapidly with a spoon to frost the outside of the cup. Garnish with a sprig of fresh mint.

Fun Fact:

The Mint Julep is not only fun to say, but it is considered the traditional beverage of the Kentucky Derby. Last year, more than 120,000 juleps were served at Churchill Downs.

The Brass Monkey

*One 40 oz of Old English Ale
*Sunny Delight

My drink of choice for all occasions, the Brass Monkey dates all the way back to 1986 with the release of The Beastie Boys’ Licensed to Ill album. The contents of this drink are highly debated, but after much trial and error, I’ve decided that an OE and Sunny Delight is exactly what Mike D, AdRock and MCA intended in their cryptic lyrics.

Purchase a 40oz of Old English Ale in your local deli/bodega/liquor store/alley. Pay cash. You don’t want this to be traced back to you in any way. You can pick up Sunny D at any store that caters to small children and/or minority populations. It’s usually located right next to the purple stuff.

Sit outside on your porch/stoop/sidewalk. Drink the OE down to the top of the label. Use a siphon (I prefer a folded paper plate) and pour in Sunny D until it reaches the top of the bottle. Shake vigorously. Drink. Do the monkey dance.*

*Brass Monkey Lyrics (including monkey dance instructions)


Greg said...

Brass monkey is most enjoyed when accompanied by some sort of domestic abuse.

Anonymous said...

Hey Happy CINCO DE MAYA to you I would like to suggest a blogger issue, you should be blogging about what to do for your MOTHER for MOTHER'S DAY yours is a SAINT and she just happens to be off from work that day. Have a great day and always remember to wear clean under wear and watch out for snakes and terrorist.