Dear Daily Nuzzo

As a provider of universal truth, I’m somewhat obligated to provide occasional guidance to my wayward and somewhat ignorant audience. Therefore, I’ve created a dedicated column for this exact purpose. I welcome you to the first installment of ‘Dear Daily Nuzzo.’

Dear Daily Nuzzo,
I’ve come across an ethical dilemma. I was riding on the subway the other day, and in comes a woman – cute, young, and slight bulge in lower belly. Do I assume this woman is pregnant and jump up to give her my seat and risk offending a nice girl who has been filling in a void in her life with girl scout cookies? Or do I remain seated, taking the chance of forcing a mother-to-be to stand?

Dear Commuter,
Full disclosure: I’m a strong believer in chivalry. In my opinion, all able-bodied men should give up their seat for a lady, so I don’t think it would be rude if you did. She just might think that you’re hitting on her, which you probably are anyway. So win-win.

Otherwise, I’d look for a wedding ring. If she’s wearing one, it’s a good possibility that she is indeed pregnant. And even if she’s not pregnant, she probably has to go home to a husband that doesn’t fully appreciate her inner beauty– so you giving up a seat for her could be the highlight of her day, or even her week. But please, pleas refrain from asking her how many months along she is.