Monday, June 9

Dear Daily Nuzzo

We have a slew of Dear Daily Nuzzo questions today. And by slew, I really mean two. Send your queries and daily gripes by emailing Enjoy!

Dear Daily Nuzzo,
I recently hooked up with an ex-flame for use of her air conditioner. For Christ sake, it’s 100 degrees out there! Anyway, I have no real intention of continuing a relationship with her and I also have a semi-relationship with another girl who lives out of town. I don’t want to screw my chances with hot out-of-towner for an air conditioner. But then again, it was a good hook-up and I didn’t wake up in a puddle of my own sweat. What do I do?

Sweaty in NYC

Dear Sweaty,
Buy an air conditioner. They are $100 at P.C. Richard. It will save you from the always-shameful ex-lover hook-up and you’ll be all set for when that hot out-of-towner comes for a visit. Besides, what kinda girl is going to hook up with a guy who doesn’t own an AC? Well, I mean, I guess if you’re into that sort of thing. As for the AC girl, make sure you tell her that it was a one-time deal and that you feel really terrible for leading her own. However, don't mention anything about how it was all in vain for the 65 degree room temperature.

Dear Daily Nuzzo,
Why are men such chicks lately? The stereotypical female traits are more applicable to men nowadays. This includes cuddling, attention seeking, reinforcement on the status of the relationship, sensitivity, neediness, talking about how you feel and overall girly annoyingness. Is this some sort of trend – like is it all part of being “metro?” What’s the deal with guys being so in touch with their feelings?

Fed up with she-males

Dear Fed up,
I hear ya sister. Ever since Dr. Phil debuted, guys are more worried about feelings and morality then being a man. My advice to you – don’t date anyone in a major city, where politeness overrules masculinity. Move to Montana and find a cowboy on a dude ranch. He won’t know the definition of ‘emotion’ yet alone how to properly treat a woman. You’ll never have to worry about talking about “feelings” and “the future” again. You’ll just have to learn how to properly skin and cook a bison for dinner.


Anonymous said...

Does "I can't quit you" sound familiar? This is terrible advice.

Greg said...

go make me a sandwich.